Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
