Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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