So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
