She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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