I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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