I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
