We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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