i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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