just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
