the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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