then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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