soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
