we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
