why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
