were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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