He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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