I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
