He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
time to smoke my breakfast
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
