if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
