I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
