felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
