I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
