omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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