I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
