Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize