i think my tv is drunk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
