Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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