It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
