I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Welp...herpes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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