one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
