I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize