can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
40s are totally the cure
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
