So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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