Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
