Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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