Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
