I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
