I could have mohawked her pubes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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