I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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