areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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