how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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