The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
