dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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