spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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