I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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