Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
