even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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