I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
