please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
