Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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