planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
