But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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