is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
