The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
