you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
