Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
