I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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