I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
