i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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