I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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