in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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