gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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