guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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