i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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