when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
