ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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