I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
