I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
