gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
