just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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