What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
