They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
