return my video game
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize