It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
