I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
