Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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