finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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